Sunday, September 2, 2012

My Nonny: Betty Knutson My Memorial

There are so many things that I could have said had I been given a chance.  It was taken away from me by those who are supposed to be loved ones and family.  Now she lays unable to speak. Waiting to take her last breath.  They tell me she is not in pain, that the drugs they give her are making her comfortable.  They say that she is really not in there anymore.  They say it is a matter of minutes, hours, days. 

My Mom and Dad
I love her.  I will miss her.  I will remember her. I will remember her words of wisdom.  What she really wanted was for the family to make peace. For all of us to be a family again.  I will honor that and try to help facilitate that peace.

 Nonny, you are my heart.  You are my soul.  You loved me unconditionally.  You will live forever in my memories.  My heart is breaking into pieces as I sit here, waiting.  Shedding tears that only I can shed. 

I want to be the little girl again who climbs up into Nonny’s lap when she came early in the morning.  I want to be that little girl again that she taught how to crochet.  I want to rest my head on her shoulder and have her tell me it’s going to be okay. 

But it will never be the same again.  The world has lost one of its brightest and shiniest stars.  She gave of herself and loved unconditionally.  She made people smile, and she was feisty.  Every time I look up in the sky, I will remember her.  Every time I pick up a crochet hook or a needle and thread, I will think of her. For it was through her I am the creative person I am now.  Every time I reach out to another human being to help or offer words of comfort, I will do it in her name because that is who she always will be to me. 

Nonny, Betty Knutson, My grandmother, I will miss you. I will remember you.  I will always love you.